This is something I see over and over again – mostly from men, but from women too – people complaining that they can’t get over someone because they need “closure”.In theory, the idea behind closure is that either by confronting the issues that ended the relationship or having a final airing of grievances, the afflicted party will finally be able to tie their relationship up in a neat bow and sail off into the sunset. that’s not only not how things work but that’s usually .After nearly a year of silence, I reached out to her and we began a series of conversations toward repairing our friendship. She stopped responding to my email and when I called to inquire she blocked my number and emailed me to stop contacting her.She said she had recently begun dating someone new and I think it was difficult for her to talk to me about our relationship. Over a space of nine months, I wrote her two kind emails in the spirit of healing.Most of us don’t blink when a friend says they’ve cut off an ex.But if you’ve ever been cut off by someone you care deeply for, then you know how distinctly painful an experience it can be.
Because Emma’s withdrawal and eventual cutoff surprised me so much, I had a lot of intense emotions and questions about what she’d experienced and the choices she’d made.Every once in a while, the universe likes to drop a subject in my lap.Last week, several of my readers forwarded me an article on Medium called “Shining Light on Cutoff Culture“, a think piece by one Jeff Reifman, about closure and communication.Break-ups are the ending of relationships, the cutting of ties.Once you’ve broken up with somebody, they don’t owe you anything except giving your shit back.
They aren’t required to hold your hand as you process your issues.