When he gets up to go to the bathroom I decide to risk asking him about his politics when he returns. All I can think about is how people in earshot must be so annoyed to have to listen to our attempt to connect. This was before I’d called the Centaur but after I’d met him and got his number. They are so cute together, cracking each other up all day, developing inside jokes and having fun.
As I was leaving the nightmare awkward date, above, I looked to my right and realized The Centaur had been sitting there the whole time, hearing every word. Today, it’s the process of planning vacations that sets me off (I know, I’m pretty lucky if this is the type of thing that gets me upset). Tim has his two middle-school aged cousins in town this week, and life is good.
He’ll ignore my texts until he wants to talk to me. I went to a breakfast cafe with Tim for a fun mom-and-kid breakfast. This is the kind of stuff I used to get heavy input from Tim’s dad on.
In between dates, we have been practically strangers to each other. If we can’t talk intelligently about what’s going on in the world, forget it. I also have weeks of vacation saved up at work, and only need to make a plan in order to be on the road somewhere. But for some reason, I am having a terrible time committing to any particular plan for weekend trips or longer vacations. On the surface, it’s just indecision, but if I sit with my feelings a little bit I realize I’m feeling alone.
I’ve heard some crazy stories about how some of you ladies (and men) ...It was lovely being out sans Jack, having a cold beer at the bar, surrounded by other adults enjoying drinks, conversation, and music. I videotaped their answers, transcribed what they said, and here’s what I got: “My mom was a single mom most of my childhood, so I have tons of respect for single mothers.The crowd was a mix of college guys and young professionals. And when the topic of my work came up, I told a small group of guys that I was working on an interesting article that required me to tap real-life guys for their opinions on dating single moms. I would absolutely go on a date with a single mom and see where it could lead. My single-mom body is a wreck and I haven’t been on a date in 15 years! Confidence, a full heart, and life experience all equals being a richer, fuller person. My longest friendships were still forming, and I was still figuring out what was most important to me. Women with kids have a whole lot of responsibilities. Time is precious, and efficient moms know that the best way to spend time with a man is truly enjoying a really, really great one. I’ve spent the past three years dating as a single mom – including a year-long relationship—and let me tell you something: there is no better time than to date than as a single mom. When I was dating in my twenties, I was looking for a husband with a healthy set of testicles with which to sire children. You survived that, and not only are you better for it – you’re sexier for it. Age and childbearing has allowed you to enjoy your body for all it has to offer. When I met my husband in my mid-twenties, I was still struggling to make my way professionally. When we do have time for boyfriends, we make the very most of it. There is less temptation to piddle away hours waiting on losers to commit just because you’re lonely (you will end up selling your engagement ring anyway with those guys).
I can check that off my life to-do list and look for a man for love or companionship or sex – or all three. Whether the single part was by way of divorce, breakup, death or choice, it was a big deal, and that changed you. I have lunches to make and doctor appointments to schedule. Busy single moms have fewer lonely nights to fill, fewer dinners eaten alone.